I'm a geek. Based on the content of this blog, many of my readers are too. But some of you just may have seen a woman at some point. If you have, you have likely been rejected, but don't understand what she means. This handy guide will put rejection into terms we can all understand — HTTP Response codes. SEOs should especially appreciate these. Implementation via PHP.
Note: These are all real. I didn't make them up!
header("HTTP/1.0 306 (Unused)");
"I'm a virgin."
header("HTTP/1.0 402 Payment Required");
"I'm from Craigslist."
header("HTTP/1.0 403 Forbidden");
"I'm Catholic."
header("HTTP/1.0 303 See Other");
"Maybe we should see other people."
header("HTTP/1.0 203 Non-authorative Information"); or header("HTTP/1.0 204 No Content");
"The conversation could be better."
header("HTTP/1.0 417 Expectation Failed" );
"Maybe Cialis, next time … ?"
header("HTTP/1.0 411 Length Required");
"You call that a penis?"
header("HTTP/1.0 404 Not Found");
"Ciao!"
OK, I'm totally immature, but what can I say — I laughed while I was writing this.
What translations have I missed? Leave a comment 
UPDATE: I got bored and made some shirts for myself. I'm selling them here at ZERO profit on Cafepress.com. (Just a bit of shameless advertising, though … :)):
"66 Wise Comments Banged Out Somewhere On The Internet ..."
LOL. I love the 417, particularly the explanation. I would call it the “lame excuse†code. Politicians use a lot of it: “I am sorry that your expectation failed, but it wasn’t me. It’s the democrats/republicans that gave me the ‘unambiguous evidence’ in 1879…†I have to admit that if you are in the mindset of making light of the codes, you start seeing the funny side to all of them. How about: 206 Partially Content I know, you had to be there… BTW, there may actually BE women visiting your blog…
What, women can't be geeks? And we may not get the 411 rejection, but there are plenty of others ranging from the gender-specific to the gender-neutral. 203 Non-Authoritative Information (alternate) 300 Multiple Choices 405 Method Not Allowed 407 Proxy Authentication Required 412 Precondition Failed 415 Unsupported Media Type 503 Out of Resources 505 HTTP Version not supported In geeky solidarity, n
301 Moved Permanently
304 Not Modified 307 Temporary Redirect 400 Bad Request 406 Not Acceptable 409 Conflict 413 Request Entity Too Large
A few more I came up with. 10.4.1 400 Bad Request 10.4.10 409 Conflict 10.4.14 413 Request Entity Too Large 10.4.17 416 Requested Range Not Satisfiable 10.2.5 204 No Content 10.3.2 301 Moved Permanently
10.4.14 413 Request Entity Too Large
Internal Error 500 would probably equivalent to a girl throwing up on you after you asked her to dance (been there down that).
header("HTTP/1.0 10.4.8 407 Proxy Authentication Required"); header("HTTP/1.0 10.4.15 414 Request-URI Too Long");
411 Length Required 402 Payment required 503 Service unavailable
header("HTTP/1.0 100 Continue"); header("HTTP/1.0 202 Accepted"); header("HTTP/1.0 201 Created"); header("HTTP/1.0 408 Request Timeout"); header("HTTP/1.0 503 Service Unavailable");
Funny, but I'm not sure how 'Forbidden' translates into 'Catholic'… if that's so, how come there's so many of them?
How about some others: 100 Continue…..OMG Don't Stop! (rare lol)
500 internal server error == "it's not you, it's me"
202 Accepted 205 Reset Content 302 Found 303 See Other 304 Not Modified
405 Method Not Allowed 412 Precondition Failed
206 Partial Content 305 Use Proxy 405 Method Not Allowed 505 Version Not Supported
417 Expectation Failed
Great! I'll try my luck with: "999 Buffer Overflow. Spawning new process. Abort?" "Digital ring configuration accepted. (-5k)" "O O O O O O…Oh Oh Oh .. GPS shift"
203 Non-Authoritative Information (alternate) 400 Bad Request 405 Method Not Allowed 408 HTTP Request Timeout 505 HTTP Version Not Supported 503 Out of Resources 407 Proxy Authentication Required
header(â€HTTP/1.0 100 Continueâ€); 10.4.1 400 Bad Request header(â€HTTP/1.0 202 Acceptedâ€); header(â€HTTP/1.0 201 Createdâ€); header(â€HTTP/1.0 408 Request Timeoutâ€);
10.1.1 100 Continue 10.1.2 101 Switching Protocols 10.2.1 200 OK 10.2.2 201 Created 10.2.3 202 Accepted 10.2.4 203 Non-Authoritative Information 10.2.5 204 No Content 10.2.6 205 Reset Content 10.2.7 206 Partial Content 10.3.1 300 Multiple Choices 10.3.2 301 Moved Permanently 10.3.3 302 Found 10.3.4 303 See Other 10.3.5 304 Not Modified 10.3.6 305 Use Proxy 10.3.7 306 (Unused) 10.3.8 307 Temporary Redirect 10.4.1 400 Bad Request 10.4.2 401 Unauthorized 10.4.3 402 Payment Required 10.4.5 404 Not Found 10.4.6 405 Method Not Allowed 10.4.7 406 Not Acceptable 10.4.8 407 Proxy Authentication Required 10.4.9 408 Request Timeout 10.4.10 409 Conflict 10.4.11 410 Gone 10.4.12 411 Length Required 10.4.14 413 Request Entity Too Large 10.4.15 414 Request-URI Too Long 10.4.16 415 Unsupported Media Type 10.4.17 416 Requested Range Not Satisfiable 10.4.18 417 Expectation Failed 10.5.1 500 Internal Server Error 10.5.2 501 Not Implemented 10.5.3 502 Bad Gateway 10.5.4 503 Service Unavailable 10.5.5 504 Gateway Timeout 10.5.6 505 HTTP Version Not Supported
I'm so disappointed with myself, I'm probably not as good to be into the class of geeks yet. The only one that I know is 404, as according to your description.
header(â€HTTP/1.0 100 Continueâ€);
10.4.7 406 Not Acceptable (alternative) 10.2.5 204 No Content 10.3.7 306 (Unused) 10.4.5 404 Not Found 10.4.9 408 Request Timeout 10.4.18 417 Expectation Failed
This is by the far the best:
404 Not Found
surely, and this is strictly an SEO joke 301…now seeing someone else 302…now seeing someone else, but you don't now about it! sysadmins.cc » Blog Archive » 403 Forbidden: A Geek’s Guide to Rejection[...] You are here. That means you're Either a Geek or . . . well, you're a Geek. Here's a funny article that helps translate Chick Rejections to a language we Geeks can better understand.read more | digg story [...] Matt Dot Net[...] This is a php implementation of HTTP response codes that girls give when they deny a guy something.From SEO Egghead. header("HTTP/1.0 306 (Unused)"); "I'm a virgin." [...] ABAGAB - A Boy, A Girl, A Bird » Blog Archive » A Geek’s Guide to Rejection[...] A Geeks's Guide to Rejection. [...] EveryDigg » Blog Archive » 403 Forbidden: A Geek’s Guide to Rejection[...] You are on Digg. That means you're Either a Geek or . . . well, you're a Geek. Here's a funny article that helps translate Chick Rejections to a language we Geeks can better understand.read more | digg story [...] askpainter.com Blog » A geek’s guide to rejection.[...] I know most of my friends won't get most of the jokes here but I hope some of you do. I had a good laugh this morning over this. October 18th 2006 Posted to Uncategorized [...] Kyle » Blog Archive » 403 Forbidden: A Geek’s Guide to Rejection[...] You are on Digg. That means you're Either a Geek or . . . well, you're a Geek. Here's a funny article that helps translate Chick Rejections to a language we Geeks can better understand.read more | digg story [...] kuehleborn.org[...] The article is at the SEO-weblog. Of course you have to understand the Status Code Definitions of http, but then they are very funny. Most of all I enjoyed the response by a woman named Natasha: What, women can’t be geeks? And we may not get the 411 rejection, but there are plenty of others ranging from the gender-specific to the gender-neutral. [...] The 9 Personality Types of a Comment Spammer[...] SEO by the SEA's Search Engine Ranking Factors What's that mean? Translating Rejections from Chick to Geek by SEO Egghead. [...] “403 Forbidden: A Geek’s Guide to Rejection†« dawnerd[...] Read the rest here: http://www.seoegghead.com/blog/seo/403-forbidden-a-geeks-guide-to-rejection-p148.html Filed under: Random | [...] “403 Forbidden: A Geek’s Guide to Rejection†« dawnerd[...] Read the rest here: "403 Forbidden: A Geek’s Guide to Rejection†Filed under: Random | [...] Axman’s Blog » Blog Archive » links for 2006-10-19[...] SEO Egghead by Jaimie Sirovich » 403 Forbidden: A Geek’s Guide to Rejection 500 - Internal Server Error “I have a yeast infection  and many more awesome HTTP errors. LOLZOMGBBQ!!11!11!!!!one!!11!!!1!1 (tags: funny geek humor humour) [...] A geeks guide to rejection.. « grey matter[...] read it here [...] >.> « Learning To Live[...] http://www.seoegghead.com/blog/seo/403-forbidden-a-geeks-guide-to-rejection-p148.html [...] 505 HTTP Version not supported: “ä½ æ˜¯å€‹å¥½äºº,å¯æ˜¯æˆ‘並ä¸é©åˆä½ ” at TaopaiC的自言自語[...] 這裡æ到把女生拒絕的ç†ç”±ç”¨ HTTP status code 解釋給 Geek 懂… XD [...] Wisiwip » Blog Archive » Digg 25/10/2006[...] - HTTP Response Code [...] Money Making Sites: SEO | Adsense | Articles[...] SEO by the SEA's Search Engine Ranking Factors What's that mean? Translating Rejections from Chick to Geek by SEO Egghead. [...] The Inveterate Observer » Blog Archive » 403 Forbidden: A Geek’s Guide to Rejection[...] You are on Digg. That means you're Either a Geek or . . . well, you're a Geek. Here's a funny article that helps translate Chick Rejections to a language we Geeks can better understand.read more | digg story [...] kuehleborn.org[...] article is at the SEO-weblog. Of course you have to understand the Status Code Definitions of http, but then they are very [...] SEO Intern Training - Day 2 - Internet Marketing, Latest News,[...] a lighter note, Jaimie's Geek Guide to Rejection was one of the highlights of my day [...] Pacific ViewsGeek Interregnum… Well, after a weekend of being sick and therefore interested in nothing much more than a warm meal and avoiding drafts, followed by losing my mind slowly over questions taxonomic with a healthy side of Serious Politics, it's time for…… Jonathan's Blog403 Forbidden: A Geek's Guide to Rejection… 403 Forbidden: A Geek's Guide to Rejection I laughed at this……. WorldcoastA Geek's Guide to Rejection… http://www.seoegghead.com/blog/seo/403-forbidden-a-geeks-guide-to-reject... www.enchilame.comerror 404 Una guia geek del rechazo… El artìculo està en Inglès, pero muy bueno. Es como un diccionario Mujer-geek geek-rechazo que nos ayuda a entender mejor cuando nos mandan a pasear. Porsupuesto que es de humor y bastante fino digo yo. Que lo disfruten…. Joe GrossbergHTTP Response Humor… From SEO Egghead (blech) header("HTTP/1.0 402 Payment Required");"I'm from Craigslist."header("HTTP/1.0 502 Bad Gateway;");“Not in that hole!†(via Jesse Ruderman)……
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