I'm a geek.  Based on the content of this blog, many of my readers are too.  But some of you just may have seen a woman at some point.  If you have, you have likely been rejected, but don't understand what she means.  This handy guide will put rejection into terms we can all understand — HTTP Response codes.  SEOs should especially appreciate these.  Implementation via PHP.

Note: These are all real.  I didn't make them up!

header("HTTP/1.0 306 (Unused)");
"I'm a virgin."

header("HTTP/1.0 402 Payment Required");
"I'm from Craigslist."

header("HTTP/1.0 403 Forbidden");
"I'm Catholic."

header("HTTP/1.0 303 See Other");
"Maybe we should see other people."

header("HTTP/1.0 203 Non-authorative Information"); or header("HTTP/1.0 204 No Content");
"The conversation could be better."

header("HTTP/1.0 417 Expectation Failed" );
"Maybe Cialis, next time … ?"

header("HTTP/1.0 411 Length Required");
"You call that a penis?"

header("HTTP/1.0 404 Not Found");

OK, I'm totally immature, but what can I say — I laughed while I was writing this.

What translations have I missed?  Leave a comment :)

UPDATE: I got bored and made some shirts for myself.  I'm selling them here at ZERO profit on Cafepress.com.  (Just a bit of shameless advertising, though … :)): 


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