I was cruising around the SEO landscape during my lunch break.  I know this is an old trick, but I just found a pretty funny example.  An SEO firm, "Only Ten Matter," offers what its founder, Joseph Smith, calls "guaranteed SEO."  He extolled the virtues of his services, and perhaps the Book of Mormon (Is he the same guy?), and claims to offer a guarantee that he will get you to the top 10 for "competitive keywords" like "guaranteed SEO."

Well let's see!  Apparently, his statistics are about as fantastic as the Book of Mormon itself, which, among other things, asserts that American Indians are decendants of the ancient Israelites.  It also claims that Joseph Smith prophesizes out of a hat, which seems pretty useful for white hat and black hat SEOs alike (depending on the color of hat he used, I suppose).  The Oracle of Word Tracker agrees with me, and informed me that this keyword barely gets any queries at all. And the ones that do appear look to me like noise from screenscrapers and API tools.  So maybe Joseph Smith's prophetic SEO hat is wrong this time. And for all we know, the prophet is violating DogPile's TOS by scraping with automated tools.

Anyway, I call upon the (currently few) readers of this blog to link to me with the anchor text "guaranteed SEO." to knock him down in the rankings.  To make it easier, here's some code to copy onto your clipboard:

Or even better:

In exchange for your link, I'll give you free consulting for acquiring keywords like "worthless SEO," and "bullshit SEO."  A 1 dollar value.  I'll even throw in a "free inflatable love doll" keyword optimization by request, which, depending on your luck with women, is worth way more.  Cool deal, right?